An empty spirit, not an empty stomach
After dinner at last week’s potluck, a few of us gathered in the great room on the cozy red couch and chair to sit under the breeze of the fan and chat. Our conversation eventually revolved around Anne Lamott. Some of us just recently discovered Anne Lamott, while others have been avid readers for years, but we have all fallen in love with her authenticity and beautiful story telling. One by one we shared pieces of our favorite stories. My friend Sarah talked about how she was touched by Anne Lamott’s story of recovery from an eating disorder, which involved reaching out for help, learning to recognize hunger/emptiness and learning how to feed herself.
I had read the same story a few years ago, but now, I can relate to it on a whole new level as I realize that I’ve been trying to comfort myself with food over the past year. I have rarely considered myself an emotional eater. Until recently.
Feeling a little blue? Well, have some ice cream, a glass of wine, and a jar of Nutella. Then you’ll feel better.
I don’t know why I ever fell for that trick. Or even worse, why do I continue to fall for it. It doesn’t make the pain go away, in fact, it usually leaves me with a tummy ache or a hangover. So, I’ve decided that I’m done with that. I want to go back to the way I use to view food - as nourishment, as energy and as a opportunity to share life with others. I want to only feed my stomach food when it is empty. And more importantly I want to take Anne’s story of recovery and learn how to nourish my soul when it is on empty. Instead of reaching for a yummy desert when I feel scared, lonely and empty, I want to reach out for help, learn to recognize hunger/emptiness and learn how to feed myself.
“I live in the nourishment of food and the sun and the warmth of the people who love me.”
From My Secret Body, Anne Lamott
I have to admit its a big step for me to even consider something like this. Grief is a strange emotion, and I know most people experience it differently. For me, it has been a great struggle to want to do something healthy for myself or take care of myself. I’m sure that I will still falter because there is only a tiny part of me that even thinks that overcoming this unhealthy pattern I’ve developed is important, but I must try.
