On Saturday I raced home from Narrows, picked up Dan, and met some friends at the Rappahannock River.
We spent the afternoon relaxing by the river. It was beautiful and peaceful. That evening we went out to dinner and enjoyed watching our friends eat steamed crabs while we split a veggie burger & hush puppies.
Sunday morning I couldn’t get it together and also felt very anti-social, so I skipped church. With intentions of spending the morning reading, I laid down on the couch and slept until the day’s football games started. The rest of the day was spent by me finding various positions to lay on the couch while eating cereal and watching football.
Now I’m trying to prepare for a job interview I have tomorrow! By preparing, I mean I am asking everyone I know to cross their fingers, pray to their God(s), and send lots of good thoughts my way around 10:30 tomorrow morning.
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Today I’m going to Blacksburg for the concert. It’s strange for me to feel excited to go. I know it will probably be an emotional event, but I will get to hang out with my sister at the concert.
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I’ve had a lot of wine tonight and I’m still going to take some Tylenol PM to help me sleep.
I just opened an email containing a link to a special website with the information from the VT Review Panel’s report. It is secret, just for the families. But, that is how my Wednesday night is ending. Reading the report that details all of why/how/when my brother was killed. It could be twice as long, but still wouldn’t be enough. I was really hoping to have an “Ohhh….” moment. A moment while reading the report that I could peacefully say, “Nothing could have been done.”
I don’t see that.
Through teary eyes I tried to read that damn report and all I can say is “Why isn’t he here?!?” I know I’ve had a lot of wine tonight and I’m emotional, but still…..why did no one cancel class that day?!?…………it will never make sense to me.
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We are in Narrows for their season opener. Tonight they retired Jarrett’s #24 jersey and the Hokie band came to play the half-time show. The family wore matching Green Wave shirts and the twins wore Va Tech cheerleader outfits. The Narrows stands were a mixture of green, yellow, maroon, and orange. Never have those four colors seemed to belong together as much as they did tonight.
We had a good time taking the babies to their first Narrows High football game.
It was overwhelming to see how much this town loves Jarrett.
We brought home Jarrett’s #24 jersey and it’s sitting in the family room. We are not sure what we are going to do with it, but it is very special to us all.
Barely left with the energy I needed to drive home, I returned from an emotionally exhausting weekend in Narrows. My family had 2 dreaded tasks to complete this weekend. First, on Friday I joined my family and we drove down a windy road to meet with a man who would help us design a headstone for the grave. The second task ahead of us was to attend the memorial dedication at Va Tech. Obviously these 2 tasks have strong similarity in that they were both using a big rock to set up a memorial for us to honor lost ones.
On Friday I had expected my family to be too overwhelmed for us to work together and design a headstone fitting for Jarrett’s grave and I was quite sure that I’d leave very frustrated. But, I was wrong. Very wrong. It was beautiful moment as we spent hours talking about Jarrett and his passions. His memorial will be a good representation of places that were special to him, his appreciation of unique structures, and his family nickname. A small bit of peace came into me after we finished designing his memorial.
Sunday’s memorial dedication was a very different experience. I’m sure many people thought the ceremony was encouraging and full of Hokie spirit. Not me. The heat combined with the speeches “moving me forward” left me feeling like I was going to faint. I’ve grown tired of memorials that are more about the ones left behind and I’m weary of speeches about prevailing. Those memorials do not bring me any peace. I can not attend them and fondly remember my brother.
I hope the dedication ceremony was the last event at Tech that I will attend to honor The 32. Instead, I will remember My 1. This coming Friday is Narrows High School’s first football game of the season. Before the game they are retiring Jarrett’s jersey and at half-time the Va Tech band is performing. Earlier this month my mom received 100 CDs with the Craig Whittaker song written for Jarrett. Later this year, a bridge in Narrows will be named in honor of Jarrett. Just before Christmas of this year, the black onyx headstone designed by his family will be put into place and I will honor My 1.
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Today is my sister’s birthday. To celebrate her birthday and wedding anniversary my sis & her hubby went on a vacation. The first stop of their vacation was our house, which was their first visit to Richmond since we’ve lived here. I learned something new about my brother-in-law during their stay here. He is allergic to cats. I doubt they’ll be coming to visit again anytime soon. They left this morning and now I’m waiting for my in-laws to come in for the weekend. Being the forgetful people that they are, they again volunteered to help us work on our privacy fence during the heat of summer. They did this same thing last year. At least this time we’ll be able to cool off in the pool. Our year-long project of installing a privacy fence will hopefully be completed this weekend. We will have to celebrate with a pool party and ice cream.
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There are several reasons why you should be thankful that you are not my mother-in-law. For example, for mother’s day I will buy you the most wonderful book by one of our favorite authors. But, I will forget to bring it to you when I visit. Instead, I simply tease you and tell you what book I’ve bought you. Then two months later, after having multiple opportunities to give you the book, it still remains on my coffee table. Until a day like today, when I decided that I want to read it. I will probably continue to tease you by telling you how wonderful it is and how I can’t read it in public because I end up laughing out loud and also wanting to cry.
Yes, be thankful that you are not my mother-in-law.
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My mom loved to take pictures of us growing up and she always had a camera ready at family functions. However, she is not the best photographer, really, she is the worst photographer I know. Her favorite shot to take is of the back of someone’s head. This would drive my siblings & I crazy. But, to make up for that, my mom would finish a roll of film and put it in a “safe” place to later be taken to the store and developed. Over the years we would stumble upon dozens of undeveloped rolls of film. To us, it was as if we found treasure. Every time we would get excited and for the day or two that it took to get developed we would make up stories of what family event had been recorded on those lost, forgotten pictures.
Last week when I was in Narrows, my sister discovered 9 rolls of undeveloped film in my mom’s bedroom. The excitement of the discovery was quickly followed by nervousness. We all want there to be pictures of Jarrett on those rolls. Maybe some memories that we had forgotten about would be on those rolls. Something to help us remember him a little more.
Today I got all the pictures from the 9 rolls that Fawntane found last week. Over half of the pictures are from Jarrett’s high school graduation and his last high school track meet. I’ve spent the last couple of hours scanning and editing the pictures and lots of sweet memories have come to me. Below are a couple of my favorites.
Us at Jarrett’s graduation in 2003.
Jarrett & Todd
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My nephew, Landon, has started calling me Honey. No one really knows why he picked this name for me, but I like it. What woman wouldn’t like to walk into a room and see a guy’s face light up with a huge smile while he runs to you calling you Honey?!
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I’m in Narrows for a few days to see my family and attend Narrows High School graduation. Jarrett’s high school class has organized a scholarship to be awarded in his honor. So, tomorrow night my mom, sister, & I will all sit on the football field with this year’s graduating class from NHS and handout a scholarship.
Please enjoy these pictures of my nieces on their 1st birthday! I think they were attempting to make their own cake. (All of the yellow you see are broken eggs!)
Aren’t they cute?
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Christmas in Narrows was nice and strange. Even on Christmas day I didn’t “feel” like it was Christmas. I know a lot of people say that, and I’m not sure what Chirstmas is suppose to feel like. But anyway, on Chirstmas morning we all went to First Baptist with my family. I don’t understand why it is such a big deal to my mom & grandmother for us to go to church with them, but once my grandmother saw us sitting in row on the padded pew she started crying and couldn’t stop. I would like to ask her why it means so much to her for us to all go to church together, but I’m afraid it would offend her. Then after church we exchanged presents, ate a huge lunch, and napped. I feel like the family didn’t spend much time together, which is very strange. Usually Christmas in Narrows is spent by all us hanging out watching movies & playing games. Tomorrow we are going to spend time with my family and try to hunt down some friends who are also in Narrows for Christmas.
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Dan & I will come back to Richmond this evening, only to leave again tomorrow to spend Christmas with my family in Narrows. May it be a peaceful visit.
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