Months ago a friend gave me a book of daily readings called Simple Abundance. I don’t open it every morning, but on the mornings that I do I have found I have “better days”. The readings often inspire and empower me to live a more authentic life.
A reading earlier this week gave a list of suggestions to cope with stress. I went through the list and picked out the suggestions that I think would most help me cope - or even better, avoid - stress. They are such simple ideas, but could make a huge impact on my day-to-day life. I feel a rush of energy and passion throughout my body as I attempt to imagine what my life would be like if I lived out these suggestions each day (or even most days).
Carve out an hour a day for solitude.
Begin and end the day with prayer, meditation, reflection.
Keep your house picked up.
Don’t over schedule.
Strive for realistic deadlines.
Allow an extra half hour for everything you do.
Create quiet surroundings at home and at work.
Go to bed at 9pm twice a week.
Always carry something interesting to read.
Breathe - deeply and often.
Eat only when hungry.
Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal.
Luxuriate in your senses.
If you don’t love it, live without it.
Let Mother Nature nurture.
Stop trying to please everybody.
Start pleasing yourself.
Stay away from negative people.
Don’t squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotion.
Nurture friendships.
Don’t be afraid of your passion.
Approach problems as challenges.
Honor your aspirations.
Savor beauty.
Create boundaries.
For every “yes”, let there be a “no”.
Cherish your dreams.
Express love every day.
Search for your authentic self until you find her (him).
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I was giving a friend an update on everything going on in life lately and he responded by saying, “When it rains…”
He is right. It is pouring right now.
On Friday evening Dan’s grandmother, Nanny passed away. From the moment I met her Nanny accepted me into the family and always greeted me with a hug and a kiss. Her hands were always busy doing something to care for a family member. Now I’m getting to hear stories from her hometown of how she was a friend to many. What she accomplished in her life and the legacy she leaves behind is astonishing.
Here is a slideshow my father-in-law put together remembering Nanny.
Yesterday my mom, sister & I went to court for a hearing regarding the settlement over Jarrett’s death. The already stressful event had potential to be even more stressful. There was a possibility my dad would show up and we would have to testify about how he was never a father to Jarrett. It’s been really hard for me to “deal” with all of this. It’s the two greatest pains of my life converging together. Luckily things went as well as to be expected yesterday - my dad didn’t show and we didn’t have to testify. Now we only have one more hurdle to jump over before all of this stuff will be over with. Then maybe I can focus on healing and remember Jarrett.
I can’t describe exactly how I’m feeling now, other than it feels like stress and fear. Last night as I went to bed I took a moment to examine how I was feeling physically - exhausted, sick to my stomach, headache, lightheaded and my heart was beating fast and hard. I slept hard, and even overslept. Today has been a bit better, but I’m really just wanting the weekend to get here so I can feel like I have time to rest.
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I’m loving the relaxed summer life that makes people focus a little less on work, and little more on what is really important to them. I’ve recently had some great weekends spent with friends. Lots of fun and laughter. Why don’t we live like this all year round?!
This weekend is a continuation of the fun. Tonight I’m going down to Virginia Beach. Hopefully I will be able to find a not-so-crowded spot to rest by the waves and enjoy some reading, writing & napping. After the beach I will take my sunburned self to a friend’s house for an evening of beer making….and drinking. On Sunday I will do some much needed housework after having brunch with ladies who are interested in starting a book club. A few of my favorite things, with a few of my favorite people.
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For several months we have been hosting a weekly potluck dinner on Thursdays. Each week we pick a theme and friends come over to sometimes cook, and then devour food and drink. We share recipes with each other, introduce each other to new foods and friends, we drink, we laugh, we share life’s struggles and we eat a lot of dessert. As a group we’ve celebrated a lot of birthdays, marriages, job changes, and many other happy life moments together. In less than a year our potluck dinners have formed a family.
Last night our potluck family showed their extreme kindness and generosity by giving us a composter! I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to get a composter! For months we’ve been saving up stinky food scraps in a tupperware container and then transferring them to a trash can outside. I don’t know how they did it. For weeks they have secretly been planning this, pooling their money and waiting for it to be shipped. I’m not surprised that they would do something like this because they are some of the kindest people I have ever met. What started out as a weekly dinner has grown into something much more - we are a family.
UPDATE:
I have a few minutes to share with you some details about the amazing NatureMill Automatic Indoor Composter we received. Let me use some pictures to describe it.
This is what it looks like, note the cute tray that it dumps the miracle dirt into:
This amazing composter can create fresh fertilizer in 2 weeks :
This is what it can look like in a cabinet, but we don’t have white cabinets and our kitchen will never be this clean.
And, this is what my garden will look like after the composter creates the most amazing dirt known to man, and a cute little gardening lady:
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One of the cutest, and sweetest couples I know had their first child yesterday. I got to meet Lucy tonight. She slept most of the time I held her, but woke up just in time for a few family pictures.
As you can tell from the picture, Momma Jan is doing great. I don’t understand how Jan looks so “fresh” after having a baby.
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It seems that each season of depression and loneliness changes me a little more and takes me a little further from the person I use to be. This last bout of sadness zapped my motivation and inspiration. Its scary to see myself lose interest in the things that I usually can’t get enough of, and the relationships that normally make my life worth living. But, right now it feels like some of that is turning around. I’m looking forward to a weekend of pool lounging, reading Sylvia Plath, writing and some of those other things that usually make me feel a bit more secure, a bit more grounded….a bit more like myself.
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Here is an example of why I have the most amazing friends…
Last night a few friends gathered for a bbq. After we ate, we sat in the hot tub for a bit. Yeah, I had to put on a bathing suit - only to discover that the year of storing it away with the rest of my summer clothes had made my bikini bottoms shrink about 1 size. Oh, well. I was not going to worry about and just go have fun with my friends. And, I did. Especially when one of my girlfriends commented that I have a “cute butt”. Then another girlfriend, who knows that I sometimes think my chest is too small, said that she was surprised at how large my boobs looked in my bathing suit. Seriously, I will love these girls until the day I die.
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Over the past year I’ve attended a few too many ceremonies and memorials, most of which I have thought were a waste of time and didn’t come close to capturing Jarrett’s spirit and life. But, this week I had the privilege of attending a ceremony that I enjoyed. It was attended by people who played important roles in Jarrett’s life & mine.
The video below contains the most beautiful speech I’ve heard about Jarrett, given by his advisor/teacher, Marc Edwards. Following the speech, Craig Whittaker sang the song he wrote in honor of Jarrett.
The Bridge Builder
By Will Allen Dromgoole
An old man, going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned, when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.
“Old man,” said a fellow pilgrim, near,
“You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide-
Why build you a bridge at the eventide?”
The builder lifted his old gray head:
“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said,
“There followeth after me today,
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him.”
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Earlier this week I was wasting time by playing on the internet and came across Hope Revolution, a project that was started in NYC to spread encouraging thoughts. Essentially, people are creating notes with positive, hopeful words or phrases on them and then hiding the notes for others to discover and be encouraged. I was instantly inspired by this project, so I invited my friend Alisha over and we spent the evening making Hope Cards, which we will soon place all over Richmond.
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Last weekend I picked up a 12 hour stomach bug that decided to stick around for an entire week. I think that it is finally ending and I will soon be back to my normal self, and maybe even be able to have a cup of coffee…..which I have not had in over a week!
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I feel like my weekend was so full of emotional events that I need at least a week’s worth of “me time” to process it.
My in-laws came to visit, which, as usual was a joy (and I don’t just say that b/c I know they read my blog). There are a couple of women in my life right now that I feel like I was destined to know. I feel we will impact and shape each others’ lives in ways we will never fully understand. My mother-in-law is one of those women. So, I of course, cherish any time I get to spend with her. And, her hubby isn’t that bad either.
Sadly, this weekend I have a close friend who is with family now, remembering and celebrating her mother who passed away a year ago. As I passed over 10 months, she reached a year. She is 2 months and 3 days ahead of me in grief. Which means, she is 2 months and 3 days ahead of me in dealing with awkward, painful anniversaries. Although she may have had a good, peaceful time, I hurt for her.
Also this weekend I had a tough phone call with my mom, who struggles with loneliness and is reminded of our pain with the recent school shooting in Illinois.
The weekend ended with a surprise treat. We just spent the evening catching up with friends that I adore and then watched a beautiful movie together.
Really, it’s too much to carry to work tomorrow.
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It was just one of “those” weeks this week. A couple of not so great days at work. A couple of restless nights. Too many things added to the to-do list and none taken off. Then, today started out to be cold and gloomy. But, by some miracle things turned around…the sun came out and I worked on my favorite project at work (thus far), then I came home to roses, pizza and wine. Now I fully expect to win the lottery tonight.
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