a search for authenticity
A friend sent me this video, and I thought that I should share it hear as a helpful warning to all boyfriends/husbands.
(Ladies, prepare to laugh…..and maybe get a little angry as you remember previous gifts you’ve received from your special guy.)
I’ve been struggling with my grief over Jarrett, and decided it is time to get some help. I know that my life will not be the way it was before he died, but I need to learn how to live a healthy, happy life without him, and I need to learn how to remember him.
Yesterday, I had a meeting with someone who is going to help me through this difficult time in my life. The meeting went really well, but as I reflect upon it I am really struck by how I was feeling in the moments just before the meeting.
I was very nervous. How could I not be? I was about to walk into the office of complete stranger and have to tell her about my greatest pains and how each day is a struggle. It takes a lot of courage for me to do that because I am very protective over my story, my loss, my hurt. What if she was to tell me that my problems are minor, “Do you see the world we live in, there are much bigger problems!” Or, what if she told me that I should be able to “fix” my problems on my own, and if I can’t then I’m a very weak person who does not deserve to live – let alone live a happy, healthy life.
Yeah, it seems ridiculous to think that anyone would actually say those things. But, those thoughts were at the forefront of my mind as I pulled into the parking lot of her office. There is a voice inside me that often tells me that I’m making these things up – my pain, suffering and sadness -it’s all a lie the voice says, or nobody really cares. The voice usually only speaks up when I’m about to do something in attempt to make myself healthier. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I know it is the same voice that tells me I’m not a “real” writer each time I sit down and stare at a blank page.
And even though that same voice tries to make me feel alone, I doubt I am the only person who has a “discouraging” voice, a voice that feeds us lies and tries to use fear to keep us from living the life we want.
Dear Friends,
I’m sorry that I have ignored your phone calls, Facebook messages and smoke signals this week. It’s not that I don’t like you, because I do, I love each of you madly. But, it’s just been one of those weeks. You know, the kind of week that beats up on you some, and leaves you wanting to forget about the world while soaking in a warm bath.
Next week I’ll return your calls and messages. Maybe we can even get together and you can tease me for being so pruny from all the tub-soaking.
xoxo,
Alicia
Tomorrow we all get a chance to express our opinion, let our voice be heard and act on all our hopes for a better future.
BUT THEN….
We can reward ourselves! Each of these businesses are offering a free treat to people sporting an “I Voted” sticker.
Starbucks is giving away coffee.
Krispy Kreme is serving a star-shaped donut with sprinkles!
Ben & Jerry’s is giving away ice cream from 5-8pm.
Don’t you wish everyday was Election Day?!
Finally, Halloween has come and gone. Finally, the nightmares about unfinished sheep can stop. Finally, I will be able to have conversations without bursting out into uncontrolable “baaing”.
As a thank you for listening to all my complaints about this horrible fabric that made my house look like a crime scene for the horrific murder of Lambchop, I present to you Lil’ Bo Peep and her sheep.
Napping with cats
In between job searches and developing plans for world domination, I take plenty of “cat naps”.
On my iTunes: iTunes is on vacation while I spend time drooling over Kirby while watching Lipstick Jungle.
Book on my nightstand: Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand….and it will probably be there for a long time.
Drink in my cup: Tonight I had sparkling wine!!
Latest add to my Google Reader: The one and only, Cat.
Biggest Adventure: Working for myself.
Sweetest Moment: Working for myself!!
Favorite cat of the week: Piper, my sweet husband-kitten.
Challenge for myself: Make Halloween costumes for my nephew & nieces!!!!!!!!!!!
Months ago a friend gave me a book of daily readings called Simple Abundance. I don’t open it every morning, but on the mornings that I do I have found I have “better days”. The readings often inspire and empower me to live a more authentic life.
A reading earlier this week gave a list of suggestions to cope with stress. I went through the list and picked out the suggestions that I think would most help me cope – or even better, avoid – stress. They are such simple ideas, but could make a huge impact on my day-to-day life. I feel a rush of energy and passion throughout my body as I attempt to imagine what my life would be like if I lived out these suggestions each day (or even most days).
Carve out an hour a day for solitude.
Begin and end the day with prayer, meditation, reflection.
Keep your house picked up.
Don’t over schedule.
Strive for realistic deadlines.
Allow an extra half hour for everything you do.
Create quiet surroundings at home and at work.
Go to bed at 9pm twice a week.
Always carry something interesting to read.
Breathe – deeply and often.
Eat only when hungry.
Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal.
Luxuriate in your senses.
If you don’t love it, live without it.
Let Mother Nature nurture.
Stop trying to please everybody.
Start pleasing yourself.
Stay away from negative people.
Don’t squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotion.
Nurture friendships.
Don’t be afraid of your passion.
Approach problems as challenges.
Honor your aspirations.
Savor beauty.
Create boundaries.
For every “yes”, let there be a “no”.
Cherish your dreams.
Express love every day.
Search for your authentic self until you find her (him).
I know all of you are dying to know how I spent my first day of unemployment. After spending a weekend sulking, I decided to be productive today. But, first I needed to watch the latest episode of Lipstick Jungle. Then, I updated my resume, website and my Aquent profile. Applied for some jobs and informed my staffing agency (Aquent) that I’m available for work. I also started organizing a small home office for me (aka Leashal Headquarters).
Now I’m going to make some tea and read myself to sleep.
Hey fellow neighbors in Church Hill, I’ve got a few questions.
1 – Do any of you know someone up here on the hill that can teach me how to reupholster furnture?
2 – Do you guys know where I can take my large area rugs to be cleaned?
3 – If any of you have that pesky problem of cold air leaking up through your old, hardwood floors during the winter – and you know how to fix it (without replacing the 100 year old heart pine floor), please give me some ideas.
Thanks!
I was giving a friend an update on everything going on in life lately and he responded by saying, “When it rains…”
He is right. It is pouring right now.
On Friday evening Dan’s grandmother, Nanny passed away. From the moment I met her Nanny accepted me into the family and always greeted me with a hug and a kiss. Her hands were always busy doing something to care for a family member. Now I’m getting to hear stories from her hometown of how she was a friend to many. What she accomplished in her life and the legacy she leaves behind is astonishing.
Here is a slideshow my father-in-law put together remembering Nanny.
Yesterday my mom, sister & I went to court for a hearing regarding the settlement over Jarrett’s death. The already stressful event had potential to be even more stressful. There was a possibility my dad would show up and we would have to testify about how he was never a father to Jarrett. It’s been really hard for me to “deal” with all of this. It’s the two greatest pains of my life converging together. Luckily things went as well as to be expected yesterday – my dad didn’t show and we didn’t have to testify. Now we only have one more hurdle to jump over before all of this stuff will be over with. Then maybe I can focus on healing and remember Jarrett.
I can’t describe exactly how I’m feeling now, other than it feels like stress and fear. Last night as I went to bed I took a moment to examine how I was feeling physically – exhausted, sick to my stomach, headache, lightheaded and my heart was beating fast and hard. I slept hard, and even overslept. Today has been a bit better, but I’m really just wanting the weekend to get here so I can feel like I have time to rest.
Ladies – This is a reminder that this Saturday form 1-4 I will be hosting a clothing swap at my house. Feel free to bring yourself, some friends and some clothes/shoes/accessories/purses you don’t want any more and we can trade.
Hope to see you there!
Playing on my iTunes: John Mayer’s newest live album that my boss kindly shared with me
Book on my nightstand: A couple of books about eating raw and a book about pilates
Drink in my cup: Mimosa.
Latest add to my Google Reader: Anne & Nate’s traveling adventures
Biggest Adventure: Going to the beach
Sweetest Moment: Holding baby Lucy
Favorite Cat of the week: Audrey, because of how she snuggles in bed with me
I’m loving the relaxed summer life that makes people focus a little less on work, and little more on what is really important to them. I’ve recently had some great weekends spent with friends. Lots of fun and laughter. Why don’t we live like this all year round?!
This weekend is a continuation of the fun. Tonight I’m going down to Virginia Beach. Hopefully I will be able to find a not-so-crowded spot to rest by the waves and enjoy some reading, writing & napping. After the beach I will take my sunburned self to a friend’s house for an evening of beer making….and drinking. On Sunday I will do some much needed housework after having brunch with ladies who are interested in starting a book club. A few of my favorite things, with a few of my favorite people.
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