Then, out of nowhere, and for no understandable reason, some idiot doesn’t check his blind spot and moves into your lane. Fight or flight reflexes kick in as you choose from honking, flipping the bird or my favorite – letting out a tiny plea for help in the famous prayer of “ahhhh!”

Your only option to avoid getting hit is to swerve onto the narrow shoulder to your right. Vivid images of hitting the gravel and spinning out of control flash into your mind as you tighten your grip of the steering wheel. So clearly you can see it happening, sliding, unable to stop and not in control. Heart racing you are certain this asshole who can’t check his blind spot is about to cause a painful disaster for you.

That white-knuckled, heart-pounding, adrenaline-fueled fear that leaves you feeling powerless and small – that’s how I feel during the month of April.

Day and night I dread reliving the most horrific event of my life. Restless nights and exhausting days trying to appear “normal” while waiting for the 16th to arrive.

For the first and second anniversaries I “dealt” with my fear by drinking and escaping to the safety of my bed. Wine, a few Tylenol PMs and tears put me to sleep for a few hours.

However, this 3rd year has been very different. The fear is just as intense and the pain still makes me sick – but just like someone living with physical chronic pain, I’m learning to manage.

4.16.07 was the scariest day of my life. News reports alerting me of the increasing number of victims, unanswered calls to Jarrett’s phone, roommates confirming Jarrett had class in Norris Hall that morning, and hospitals with lists of the injured – none with the name Jarrett Lane. By noon I realized that I had likely lost part of myself that day. I likely had lost one of the people I cherish most in life, someone who understood me, inspired me and was part of my being.

Each anniversary I relive the fear of losing him. I can no longer spend hours laughing with him, watch a movie next to him or call him – even though instincts are still alive as I often reach for my phone to text or call him. Now I fear losing the memories, forgetting the sound of his voice and, I desperately fear growing distant from him.

This year I’ve been managing my fear and pain by taking time each day in April to talk about Jarrett with a friend or just sitting in silence and replaying memories in my mind. That has been the best pain management trick I’ve discovered thus far.

Today I’ve spent time resting, laying in the sun by Jarrett’s grave while blasting music from a mixed CD created by one of his buddies, and driving through my hometown thinking about all the fun we had here together. And for one of the first moments this month, I feel peace.

A little known fact about my family is that we love water parks! Young and old alike, we love floating, splashing and playing in water. This year we spent Jarrett’s birthday weekend at Massanutten’s indoor water park.

For my personal life I didn’t set measurable goals, more thought of changes to make.

Things I’m proud of so far include:

• Organizing a craft space & office
• Exercising more
• Learning about setting healthy boundaries in relationships
• Finding creative & meaningful ways to socialize with women I admire (Grilled Cheese & Champagne dinners & Mrs. Farrell’s Ruckus)

Things I’d like to improve over the next 6 months:

• Rely on my day planner like its a religious text
• Practice yoga most days than not
• Practice creative writing everyday
• Program the coffee pot I received for Christmas from my mom
• Blog more frequently

I’m also doing a similar review about my freelance copywriting business at More Than Words.

Golf event to raise money for Jarrett Lee Lane Memorial Fund
Saturday sees the first Jarrett Lane Memorial Golf Tournament held in honor of the student from Narrows.

When her children were little, Tracey Lane had to work overtime so she could afford to send them to 4-H camp and out-of-town sports and leadership programs. The single mom was determined to give her children a window into the world beyond their small Narrows town.

So when it came time to design the Jarrett Lee Lane Memorial Fund in honor of her son, killed in the April 16, 2007, shootings at Virginia Tech, she and her daughters decided to help other parents of needy but promising area youths to do the same.

The inaugural Jarrett Lane Memorial Golf Tournament will be held Saturday at Castle Rock Golf & Recreation in Pembroke to raise money for the fund.

Summer camps, sports and Boys State leadership programs played a huge role in shaping Jarrett Lane’s character. “I remember 4-H Camp especially, that was a key thing in the beginning that opened Jarrett’s eyes to the possibilities of life outside of our small town,” his sister Alicia Lane-Farrell said.

Lane, the valedictorian of his Narrows High School class, was less than a month away from earning his engineering degree when he and 31 other students and faculty members were killed.

He was known for his fun-loving and generous spirit, his intellectual curiosity and his willingness to play pick-up sports — any sport — any time, any place. He kept a variety of balls in the trunk of his car just in case an opportunity arose and, as a child, once dug holes in his mom’s back yard to practice golf putting. When she complained, he blamed the holes on the dog.

While two other scholarships have been established in his name — one by his Narrows class, the other by his Governor’s School class — the Jarrett Lee Lane Memorial Fund is operated by his family.

Lane’s friends from Narrows and Virginia Tech are expected to attend the event, along with his family. Nongolfers are encouraged to participate by playing Captain’s Choice style, allowing all team members to play off the best team shot.

Lane-Farrell views the event not only as a conduit for remembering her younger brother but also as a continuation of his legacy. “He only got to the 22-year mark, and now our goal is to keep his story alive so we can continue his legacy by helping others,” she said.

The registration fee for teams of four is $300 per team, and teams can register by calling the golf course before Friday at 626-7276. Cash prizes will be awarded to the winning team, and a cookout is expected to take place after the tournament about 1 p.m.

For more information on the memorial fund, e-mail Lane-Farrell at alicia@aliciafarrell .com or go to JarrettLane.us

Contributions to the fund may be mailed to: Jarrett Lane Memorial Fund, c/o Celco Federal Credit Union, P.O. Box 361, Narrows, VA 24124.

(Thanks to Beth Macy at the Roanoke Times who has done a wonderful job at sharing Jarrett’s story.)

It was a good trip full of family fun, gardening, writing and enjoying the beauty of mountains.

It rained nearly every day I was there, but we had one beautiful summery day and spent it playing in the pool with my nephew and nieces. Of course, this means you are about to be overwhelmed by their cuteness with a few pictures I took.

Kennedy

Kaydance

Landon

Kennedy

Kaydance

Fawntane and the girls

Fawntane & Kennedy

Kaydance

The girls watering flowers I planted

Landon asking me not to take his picture

Lots of plans, here’s hoping I get most of it done. Along with the laundry and gardening.

Anyway, some very nice folks in Giles County have offered to host a golf tournament in honor of Jarrett, with all proceeds going to his memorial fund. Even if you are not a golfer, please help us spread the word!

Here are the details:

Castle Rock Golf and Recreation of Pembroke, VA will host a golf tournament in honor of Jarrett Lane, one of the 32 students killed at VA Tech on April 16^th, 2007. All proceeds will benefit the Jarrett Lane Memorial Fund and its mission to better the future of deserving youth in Giles Country.

The tournament will be held on Saturday May 9th, with a tee time of 9:00am. Teams of four will play on one of the area’s most beautiful and challenging golf courses. The registration fee is $300 per team, and teams can register by calling the golf course before May 8^th at (540) 626-7276.

Just to let you know, the Jarrett Lane Memorial Fund is used to provide college scholarships to Narrows High Grad. We have a vision of expanding this to provide financial assistance to deserving youth in Giles County who wish to participate in various academic, athletic and leadership development programs.

"My Wife Needs Clothes" by House

Clean out your closets and bring all your unwanted clothes to my house on Saturday for the ultimate swapping event. Trade in that ugly sweater your aunt gave you at Christmas for your friend’s cute pink skirt that you’ve been lusting after!

Clothes, shoes, purses, accessories, and anything else you want to get out of your house (husbands, children and pets are not included in this offer). I might throw in some home decor stuff.

I will have snacks and mimosas. Also, it’s an open invitation to all women who have junk in their trunk…I mean, unwanted clothes in their closets.

When: Saturday 3/21, 11am-2pm

Where: My house (leave comment or email for directions)

Why: Because we love new clothes, even “new-to-me” clothes.

Image by House.

I still have extra envelopes from these announcements and the matching thank-you cards

There were only 5o-some people in my high school class, but even with a class so small we still had our cliques and drama. I wonder how that will affect us 10 years later. I don’t think I was really involved in the drama. I guess it was hard to get involved since I kept my nose in a book or was too busy with sports & clubs. But, that also meant I didn’t have a lot of close friends who knew me well. I think most people considered me a “friendly” person, but I only had a couple of close friends. And, since our graduation a decade ago, I haven’t spoken to, seen or had any contact with most of the people from my class.

Don't you think more people should wear solid gold gowns?!

Needless to say, I’m a little nervous about tonight. Luckily we are meeting at a place that I hear has good beer. That should help take the edge off. Plus it will be entertaining because only two or three of my former classmates have seen me drink or heard/understood my slightly inappropriate sense of humor.

But, instead of getting started on my to-do list, I’ve decided to waste time playing on the internet. Here’s a list of my favorite things that I’ve discovered on the internet while procrastinating on my to-do list:

1. I found a way to express my inner-hero.

My super powers include flying throughout the city saving stray cats!

2.  I started following askastripper on Twitter. You never know when you might have a question that only a stripper could answer, or what valuable insight she might have into life’s everyday dilemmas. Also, I love that she uses phrases like “Peace, love & boobies”!!!

3.  Much to her disliking, I’ve decided to search the internet for a boyfriend for one of my single friends. Let’s just call this friend Kitty. Kitty isn’t the kind of girl that’s desperate for a boy, but this isn’t about her, it’s about me finding new ways to waste time on the internet. By using one of my other friend’s Match.com account I have found the perfect guy for Kitty. I’ve spent some time trying to stalk this guy on Facebook & MySpace, but still haven’t found him.

So, there you have it, my top 3 internet-time wasters. Go forth and have fun creating your own hero. Maybe you can ask the stripper for advice. And please, give your superhero the power of internet stalking so I can continue to embarrass my sweet friend, Kitty.

I’ve had a run of good luck lately with obtaining new clients and projects! Which has been good when realizing I need to make money, but not so good when I realized this means less time can be spent napping.

Circus

Yesterday I drove to Roanoke to attend the circus with Fawn, her kids, my mom and grandmother. This circus was organized by the Shriners, and from what I can tell it was the George Carden Circus. I’ve been to the circus a few times in my life, but tend to avoid them these days because I’m afraid of clowns. Although, when offered a ticket to go with my nephew & nieces on their first trip to the circus, I couldn’t decline.

Luckily for them they are so young they will not remember this circus. However for me, I will be forced to live the rest of my life haunted by things I saw. Here are three reasons why I will never again go to a George Carden circus:

1.  All the circus ladies wear thongs under their very, very short skirts. Well, except for two special ladies who I swear were wearing hand-me-down Playboy Bunny costumes with big purple bows placed right where the good Lord split them. I saw more ass at this family-friendly event than I’ve seen in women’s locker rooms.

2.  In one of their skits, a clown paraded around with a pistol, held a clown at gun-point and killed the other clowns. The killings were complete with sound effects of shots. Um, wtf?? I don’t even know what to say.

3.  Over-priced everything. Sure, the kids got in free, but the cost of activities and food inside now means that one of them will not be able to go to college. After spending about $60, the kids got to ride an elephant twice around a 20-ft circus and ponies around another small ring.

Cute Kids

Need to recover from the circus nightmare? Got the image of circus ass stuck in your head? Well, replace it with these sweethearts. I’m saving my money to buy some kisses.

Kisses for Sale

Ewww....

Practicing for V-day

Ladies Man

Kennedy

Kaydance

Sweet Sisters

But, then I had to come back home and face reality. Sleepless nights, lazy days, inability to focus and the occasional shakes, it felt like I was going through withdraw.

To give myself a swift kick in the rear, I started a “mostly” raw diet. And, it has been amazing! My energy is up and my mind is clear! My daily headaches are gone. I feel incredible, and have no doubt that I will develop some sort of superhuman power in the next week.

I’ve tried raw before, and failed. But, I will not fail again! I planned for success. First, I’m doing mostly raw. I get 1 non-raw meal or snack a day, which is usually bread, with a side of bread and bread on top. Second, I knew I had to get some decent recipes that didn’t involve using ingredients I’d never heard of, or kitchen equipment I don’t own. My MIL (aka, Goddess of Raw), gave me a book that has been my lifesaver. I’ve found a few quick-n-easy recipes that I’ve actually enjoyed, and surprisingly keep me satisfied.

I’m having such a good experience eating mostly raw, that I’m getting excited to plan and plant a larger garden this year!

Desperately wanting a cranberry orange muffin from Captain Buzzy’s, but feeling a bit lazy and silly. I Twittered that I would willingly give my love & friendship forever, in exchange for one of these delicious treats. Later I went outside to get something out of my car, and nearly stepped on a brown paper bag sitting on my door mat, and inside of that small bag was a delicious muffin from Buzzy’s!

Now I will commit my love and friendship forever to a certain, sweet lady.

Friends are friends forever, if they treat each other to muffins

(Sh! Please don’t tell her that I was already planning on being her friend forever!)

Here are the details:
Name: Flip
Occupation: Being super cute
Type: Dachshund aka wiener dog
Appearance: Brownish red with white patch on chest
Gender: Male
Weight: Approx 13 pound
Clothing: Red Crocodile Collar with tiny bones

Flip’s disappearance:
Around 9:45am today (1/18), Flip went outside on the 600 block of North 31st Street to potty in the vacant lot next door. Flip’s owner went back inside to grab something, taking her eyes off Flip for less than 30 seconds. Once going back outside, she couldn’t see Flip in the vacant lot.

But, she did see a black male with an older white/grey Buick or Cadillac put something into his back seat. Flip’s owner thinks this man might have put Flip into his back seat.

She is offering a cash reward for Flip’s return home. If you have any information, please give her a call at 814-4556. Or, leave a comment here.

Thanks!