Escaping
Yesterday I was reminded of a scene in movie I recently watched. In the scene a woman compared a previous relationship to a small, windowless room. Each day the walls close in on her a bit more, and the room gets smaller. It continues to shrink until it is like a box, or a casket. Her mind, heart and soul become consumed with thoughts of how she will escape.
I relate to this, not because of a certain relationship in my life, but because of many areas in my life. I have built the walls of my windowless room with fear of disappointing people I love; my fear of history repeating; my inability to forgive; and my insecurities.
These walls surround me each day – on some days the room they form is very tiny, other days there is enough space for me to stretch out and to think that I’m free.
This week the walls have closed in on me like a casket, and I am consumed with escaping. Today I’m going to visit another therapist to see if he can help me break down these walls some and be free. Free to make the choices I want to make for myself. Free to exercise wisdom, and to live a little irresponsibly from time to time. Free to love and be loved.
