Coping
Earlier this evening I read a short article about January 21st (tomorrow!) being the saddest day of the year. The author said this was due to people being ganged up on by things like holiday credit card debit, miserable cold weather and failed new years resolutions. (I honestly don’t know how people have already failed, I have yet to start my new year resolutions.)
Anyway, the article has me thinking about how we cope with sadness and grief. I don’t have a clue how to deal with my own grief. It has been nine months since the greatest lost I’ve ever known, and I feel like at any moment I am going to all fall apart and I have to fight to survive each day.
The wisest person I know once told me that everyone is grieving about something. I agree and see it in friends who are lonely, unfulfilled and isolated. Even without looking in the mirror, I see people who are in pain everyday and don’t know what to do.
But I believe that there has to be something we can do, together, to help lessen the pain. Or at least provide some company in our misery. I’m not really looking for healing, just some coping companions who want to try to be honest about grief.
it sounds nuts, but it’s been over four years since my brother died, and i’m still coming to terms with the fact that the universe is irrevocably changed. there are still days when i feel like i’m leaning over the edge of an abyss, and if i just let go i’ll start screaming and never stop.
maybe grief is the form love takes when it no longer has an outlet.
if so, that explains why i feel better when i behave in ways i know would make him proud of me.
Count me in…it’s been a bit over 4 years since Jack died, and you know I still struggle. A grief counselor once told me it takes at least 5 years till we are no longer “walking through jello” , and can begin re-creating our life. I’ve been trying to re-create(sometimes), but it’s seems like I’m taking such teeny tiny steps.
It has been 5 years since I lost my brother and EVERY day there is something or someone who reminds me of him. Whether it is words, actions, looks, etc.. that keep him in my thoughts. I think this is giving me a “bit” of peace because he will forever be in my thoughts and I think of funny little things he did. Jarrett is thought of every day by alot of people. He left an impact on every life he came in touch with. Just was thinking about Valentine’s Day approaching.. Ya know, last year he sent Cortni yellow roses,”just because” with a lovely note.. THat is what kind of person he was!! A TRUE DARLING!!! Your pain is shared and know you ALL are in my thoughts a great deal.
Although I have lost friends, I have never lost someone as close as a brother. But I’ll sit/live Shivah with you.
your wise friend is truly wise. i think of times when i’ve lost someone or something, and i hear all the empathy and sympathy…then, invariably, someone will say, “well, i never have hurt/lost/whatever like you.” i stop and think/say, “of course, you have.” we all grieve. we all hurt. pain is pain. it just takes different forms. we continue, hopefully, and we learn and grow.
the pain may abate, but it still stays, i think.
well, if you ever need someone else to listen, you can come over across the street and i’ll always have cocoa/wine/coffee and a ready ear.
i’m with david…i’ll sit/live shiva with you too…i sometimes think it’s all there is to do…